The end of and era

No no dear reader I am not announcing the retirement of my blog. I am in what I believe will be the final days of breast feeding. sniff. For four years I have either been with child or feeding or both. And whilst I'm some what excited to finally feel like I get my body back. I'm also thinking about what this body now looks like, all that I have put in thru in the last few years.

It is a strange feeling too because whilst being pregnant and breast feeding can both be a drain its also a beautiful part of your life. I wouldn't say that I am the earth mother that I dreamed I would be but I have also found a sense  of purpose and a love for my body that I never had before I was a mother. Despite the vomit, sleepless nights and worry I have loved having babies and I can't really believe that I am at the end of the baby days.

A close friend said the meanest thing the other day about my youngest, she called her a toddler. Now whilst my baby is 14 months old and has taken a few steps I'm not ready to no longer have a baby. So my baby girl she will stay a little longer.

Its not even that I am thinking off planning for or dreaming of another baby. (Four children seems a whole new level of parenting that I'm not sure I am capable of). But it does seem sad to think that I will never feel another baby growing inside me or have those dreamy first days getting to know your baby or the excitement and wonder as they discover everything for the first time.

So as these baby days end a new chapter opens which has a whole other set of exciting and wonderful attached to it. I'm looking forward to regularly going to bed and sleeping the whole night through, I'm looking forward to having more time to spending teaching my big kids how to make great food or the ease (or easier) outings as it shouldn't be too far off that we are nappy free. I'm looking forward to regaining a bit of me and discovering what the me with three kids is really like. The past year has been so busy.   

2015 for me was always planned to be a year about me. A year that I improve my health. Not so that I can look hot or get back into those bathers I wore in my skinny summer but to improve my health so that I can be the best version on me. A bit like one of those bupa adds, I'd like to be the healthier one. So I'm on my quest to feel better, eat better and move more and to be kinder to myself.