Merry belated Christmas to me and a happy new year

This is a posted I have been trying to write for two weeks and this being the final day of 2015 I wanted to post it. Not because I am totally there yet but because I am a work in progress, because I am not perfect and thats ok. My hope is that by putting this out there it will help it manifest into a truth.
 

How guilt makes me feel.

Well year we are the school year is officially over all the dance concerts are done all the home made rocky road delivered to teachers. Christmas is done and dusted, I ate my weight in ham and turkey. 

As I have been busy buying everyone the toy they must have, the scooter they want, the book they have hinted for. Among all the rushing of the end of the year I have been thinking about what I want. What I want what I really really want and its not a ziggy zig ahhh.

I want to be free from guilt. The guilt I inflict on myself, the guilt I feel about not being the perfect mother. The guilt I feel about not being the perfect wife, the guilt I feel because I forget to txt and friend back, the 'I am not who they want me to be guilt'.  The guilt I feel because my arse is still fat even though I promised myself I would make it smaller in 2015. So my Christmas present to myself is to accept myself, faults and all. To accept that I enjoy working and that I can't be in two places at once. So when I am working and enjoying it that it just as ok as when I am at home refusing to think about work because I have a tea party to attend with two little ladies.

Love'n life with my boy

I am giving myself permission to not feel guilty that my three year old only wants to eat plain pasta and bananas for dinner and I let my kids play in a mud pit the call the mine. I am no longer going to compete in the pissing contest of motherhood how make bake the best cake, make the best costume and through the most perfectly themed party. I will love my kids with all that I have and give them all that I can and I will not feel guilty that I wont to hold back a little bit of me all just for me.

I am acknowledging that I am aging at that is ok! Its ok that I can see lines around my eyes and that I now need to wear lip liner or my lipstick bleeds. Its ok that I haven't done everything on my life list its ridiculously long. I wont feel guilty about what I haven't and can't do,rather I will celebrate what I have done and rejoices in what I am doing.

I am perfectly imperfect. 

2016 hold exciting adventures, moments to strengthen me, moments to celebrate and moments to reflect on. And I can't wait to see how the story continues.