You get what you are given

I have two kids a 7 year old boy and an almost 15 month old baby girl this information inevitably leads people to asking the question “are you going to have another one?” or another statement that I find even more frustrating “well you  have one of each no need for any more”. I really resent these comments for a few reasons.

First off it really bothers me people are having children to have a particular gender. I think that, that is utter MADNESS!!! Apart from the possibility that it could always be the opposite gender to what you have been hoping for. There is the other point, what are you hoping for  in a particular gender?  You can have in your mind what you think it will mean to have a little boy or a little girl but apart from picking their clothes for them when they are little what difference will it make?

You can have all the preconceived ideas you like about what a little girl will mean or a little boy but from my experience with kids they will be who they are. I look around at my own children and those close to me and I notice that my rough and tumble son can be incredibly thoughtful and is loving his ballet lessons. My sisters second people said would be calmer because she is a girl is by far my sister’s most boisterous child. I know little girls who don’t want to wear dresses who like having short hair. I know boys who want long floppy hair. They are who they are. And I really believe as good care takers of these little that we need to give them the space to be who they are.

I have naturally dark very curly hair. I had always dreamed that my babies would have dark curly hair but their hair is brown which lightens in the sun and poker straight. I’m an art teacher I always pictured hours of painting and drawing with my kids but they aren’t my sons passion he like other creative form of play.

My children are in so many ways everything that I had hoped for a dreamed of they are funny, love to dance, their noisy and cuddly.  But in lots of ways nothing like I had hope or dreamed of. My kids have food allergies, they are bad tempered, my son has autism. That’s all ok with me because I had two little people not two hallmark card moments. They are real and real life things are complicated and not always what we expect.

People are who they are and we can have all the dreams we want for our babies but they will be who they are going to be and all we can do is love them support them and guide them.

It’s impossible not to dream of what your children will be like, hard for some not to hope and dream their kids will the famous athletes, dancers or successful lawyers and doctors. But I rather concentrate on the type of people my little people will grow up to be. Loving, kind, honest, independent, hardworking , valuable member to their community. And for those type of people it doesn’t really matter if they were wrapped in a blue blanket or a pink one when they were babies. Or even if their hair is curly or straight.